One of my Final Pieces for AdvH. English.

It's a personal experience and I uploaded it so my *awesomeshiny* friend can read it, and hopefully tell me where the hell I should add 100 words because I'm that short of the minimum? (also where to improve..) Hehe. Thanks, PP. I appreciate it. ^^

Days Like This

The pain began with music. Glorious, pounding, ear crumbling music. Electric and bass guitar slowly strumming people into stunned silence. Sweaty bodies, controlled by the vocalists as they cry out their heavy messages. Every being tightly crammed into a pit of emotion and sound.

He held me, not for the first time, and honestly I don't think there's any better feeling in the world. Standing on the sidelines. Our breathing slow, perfectly in time with the others, hearts pounding at the same speed, our deep brown eyes connected. I had dreamed of this for a long time. The sensation of skin against skin, the scent of his aftershave overwhelmingly gratifying as I breathed it in.
Then there was her. She ruined my nights, my weeks. Pushing her hands through her cropped red hair, skinny little body swaying and jumping to the bass, watching him constantly. There was something about her I could never stand, never tolerate. I would hate her.

But at that moment, I didn't care. Nothing mattered, not yet.
I sat on his lap when the last band had left the stage and the employees were cleaning up. He spoke amicably and confidently to the members of each band, and I could feel a sort of pride grow within me. My mind said he was mine. The glow that blessed my skin was hot, intense. As we left, our hands intertwined, and our fingers linked firmly – an affirmation of our thoughts.
But the night was so cold. It froze my body – and his heart.
Walking past the accumulation of people outside, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Showing him off to the crowd was something I'd never experienced before. We moved to stand before the road that we'd both be picked up on. Our exhalations steam gently as they rise into the moist air. I realise the night has cast a cool blanket over where we stand, and I shiver. I can't help thinking of the terrible dream I had had days before. I couldn't believe it, or, at least, I didn’t want to. I still fear that vision. I wished I’d never had it.
It started with a guitar, and ended with a broken heart. Echoes of the tune playing now resound gently in my mind.
So, kiss me...
The guitars gentle strumming seemed to be his, so I followed my keen ears. I walked around corners, huge beige buildings – the mazes of my mind. They led me to a sofa, and on it was a scathing image which somehow haunted me more than anything had in the dream world before.
It was an embrace. Cropped, red hair. And his arms.
Her. Him. Passion. Embrace.
My eyes glaze over. I run away, tears streaming down my cheeks, my body screaming out with pain. I...can’t. I don’t believe this. A bolt of electrical pain through my heart. I wake, eyes jerking open, body straining with sobs. Realisation, reassurance.
It was just a dream
Nothing
Just a dream.
_____
Reality strikes my lips as we kiss. It defeats the cold – and the worry stirring my stomach, like a witch, stirring her cauldron. Bliss. I gaze into hazel eyes with green speckles, like chickens eggs, and huge dialated black eternities. Then the corners of my eyes point her out.
She walks past, silent, even when he asks if shes ok. I watch her keenly, my palms beginning to sweat with fear. Once shes gone, a flurry of words escape my mouth, without permission. They whisper
‘I think she likes you,’
Regret.
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
Another flurry, like warped butterflies leaving my stomach.
‘D...do you like her back?’
A glance in my direction.
‘Yes..since I've broken up with my ex.’
Remorse.
The glint leaves my eyes. They are no longer filled with happiness. They are empty. My hand leaves his so it is empty too.
I want him to feel the pain I feel.
I want him to suffer.

I feel the tears ready to skim my deathly cold cheeks. I pull them back, as if they are on ropes. I suspend their animation. I cannot show weakness, I cannot show my heart is breaking.
‘I’m sorry,’ he utters.

Sorry?! How can you be sorry, you idiot, you heart hurter, you liar, you cheat? Fraud, fake, phony.
All I can do is stare into his eyes as I empty my body of all emotion, fighting the sorrow that grows within me.
Anger, hurt, distrust.
My friend walks around the corner. I collapse into her arms, nuzzling her curls. This is the only comfort I have. A confused question
‘Whats wrong? Whats wrong?’
I answer ‘nothing.’
A car drives around the bend. Its mine.
‘I have to go,’ a disjointed, faint voice. Mine.
It echoes through the black.
My heels click as I move across the pavement, feeling my skirt shimmy. It seems to hold the last of the joy I had within me such a short time ago. I walk quickly, but it feels as if I’m walking a funeral march.
The car door opens, and a plastic smile plasters across my face.
‘How was it?’
‘Great!’
‘Good.’
My car pulls away. I notice the radio is blaring, pumping bass through the car.
I don’t look back.

Bear

My hamster, Bear, has just passed away after 2 1/2 years of her being my tiny joy. I wrote a poem to mark it.

Bear.

Racking my ribs the silence of the room
We stand in
You curled in a ball in my hands
Unmoving
Eyes closed gently shut as if you have been sung a lullaby

Pink paws curled as close to your body as I have ever seen them
A vision of innocence
As I stand in solitude
A black bundle of grief cupped in my shaking hand
My shaking eyes
My shaking ribs

I stare at you in disbelief
Wake up wake up
My mind screams
You're not gone
Not yet
Stay with me, watch me as I grow
As I watched you

Now I pack your box with tissue
Lay you gently in
My eyes they close as I whisper a last goodbye
Closing the lid, mascara tear marks loss

Bundle of joy
Bundle of love
Bundle of sadness
Bundle of grief
My bundle of grief